Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
