I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
