I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
