My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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