Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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