The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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