Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
