he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
