She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
