I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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