Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
