bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
