Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
