In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
