I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
