highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She swung at the pinata with crutches
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
