i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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