So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
