i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
