I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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