I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
