her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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