Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
