Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize