Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
