TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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