What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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