On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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