I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
