I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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