No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
