the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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