I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i've created a new STD.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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