Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
