Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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