I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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