smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
