we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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