TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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