NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
