Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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