woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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