we're blogging at a bar
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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