we're blogging at a bar
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
