dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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