like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dear god my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
