I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
