it hurts more in the daytime
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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