Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize