I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
