i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
