Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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