I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
