Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
