Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
