I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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