My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
