thus making me awesome and them whores
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
