apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
