nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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