A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
