so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
