how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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