i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
