I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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