whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
