The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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